thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
