she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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