Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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