You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
