apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
