he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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