Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
