You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
