Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
one might say we're banned from that church
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Randomize
