standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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