I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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