I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize