I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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