I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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