I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
