Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
