I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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