True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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