im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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