I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
