something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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