Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.