Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship