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there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
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