Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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