I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
