Please, let me fuck your mom
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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