so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
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I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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