My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
