I wish I could punch you in the face.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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