i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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