I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
