i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
