You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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