dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
