omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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