Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
