Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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