I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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