His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
