Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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