i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
