No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
