i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
