Plan B is the new Plan A
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
