the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
