It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
