rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Is Oprah even human
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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