your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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