i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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