I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
