just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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