just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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