I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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