I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
