Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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