I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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