i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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