I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
