I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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