Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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