He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
