Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
