I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize