You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
