Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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