Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
