Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
