alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
