so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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