He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
vagina is talking i cant
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
