Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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