Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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