4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
