3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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