Michael Bay diarrhea
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
