in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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